I'll Back Off So You Can Live
by On The Way
Summary: Because I want you to be happy too ...


Tadase stared at the two people in front of him. He couldn't believe his ears. The two people in his life he cared for the most, his brother figure Ikuto and the girl he had liked for a long time, Amu. He swallowed and looked at the two of them again. How did it happen like this? How were the two closest people to him the ones who were able to hurt him the most? He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He was completely speechless.

Amu looked at him with her honest honey golden eyes. "Will you be able to come Tadase?" She smiled at him and looked over at Ikuto, who's hand was connected with hers. "We really want you there." Amu tilted her head to the side, something that Tadase secretly loved.

Tadase blinked. "Your… wedding?" Amu nodded happily, squeezing Ikuto's hand. Tadase's heart sank. He had always imagined himself as the one who would get married to Amu. And here she was, right next to his best friend, telling him that she was getting married to someone else. "Congratulations." Tadase forced a smile onto his face. "I…" The truth was, he was free all of this month and next month too. But… he wouldn't be able to face their marriage.

Amu's fall fell slightly, before she smiled at him again. She took hold of his hand and pressed the invitation into his palm gently. "It's okay. It's in a month, on the second of July. You have a while to make up your mind." Amu looked into his eyes and offered him another smile. "But please come. We both really want you there…" She tugged on Ikuto's hand.

Tadase looked up at Ikuto. Ikuto's usually expressionless eyes silently pleaded for him to agree. Tadase looked away. He didn't want to disappoint her by not going, but he didn't want to go either. "I'll try to be there…"

Amu smiled and nodded. "Okay!" She looked at her watch. "Oh… we have to go give out other invitations now." Amu bit her lip and looked up at Ikuto. "Sorry Tadase! We'll talk to you later on about this." She gave Tadase a wave and started walking away.

Ikuto stood there for a moment, looking at Tadase. The was a tense, awkward atmosphere. Ikuto sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Hey… take care." He gave Tadase the smallest possible smile ever and turned to follow his fiancé.

Tadase stood there, staring after his two closest friends. He watched as they swung their connected hands back and forth. He watched as Amu threw her head back in laughter. He watched as Ikuto picked up Amu and she let out a shriek. He watched them until they disappeared. Tadase slowly looked down at the invitation in his hand. It was pink, but the inside was blue. _The perfect combination of them…_ he thought bitterly. He slowly turned around. _Why couldn't it be me?_

* * *

><p>He could have had his chance with her. He could still remember that day when she had stood up at the assembly and confessed to him. He could still see the look in her eyes after he had rejected her. He had a chance. And he blew it.<p>

And then she met Ikuto. Ikuto, the lone wolf, who had also fallen for Amu. Ikuto, Tsukiyomi Ikuto, who Tadase had grown apart from over the years. And they were forced to meet again because of Amu. It was Amu who had made them solve their problems with each other, even though it would still be awkward between them every now and then.

Tadase and Amu had become close, but he didn't know about Amu and Ikuto's relationship with each other. He had thought they were just friends. And when Tadase was sure of his feelings for her, that he really liked her, they had dropped the bomb. Amu Hinamori was officially Ikuto's girlfriend.

To be completely honest, Tadase had despised Ikuto for a long time. He ignored Ikuto and didn't even try to hide the fact that he disliked him. He knew it put pressure on Amu to be in between them, but he didn't quite care at that moment. He wanted Amu and Ikuto had her. At that time, Tadase had felt extreme jealousy towards Ikuto. Strange how it was the other way around before, when Tadase had the perfect family and Ikuto had a sick mother with a missing father. At one point, he had even come up with an evil plot to destroy their relationship. But as time went on, he realized that he just couldn't do it. As much as he wanted to be with Amu, he still wanted his two most important people to be happy. Besides, he had been sure that there would be other chances for him. They wouldn't last _forever_.

And yet, here he was, years later. After everyone had graduated and Ikuto had found his father, rising up in the Easter company. Amu Hinamori was about to become Amu Tsukiyomi. Amu Tsukiyomi… just that name alone was enough to make him hurt.

He had often stayed up at night, wondering why Ikuto was the one who had gotten Amu in the end. Was it because of his 'good looks' that girls fawned over? Could it be his lone wolf attitude? Tadase had been so sure that he was the perfect match for her, and yet, he had lost. What made her choose Ikuto over himself? There was this one time when Rima had asked her what she liked about Ikuto, and she had just giggled and said everything. So then what was it about himself that wasn't appealing to her?

Tadase looked over to his right, at his personal calendar. The second of July… He had that date circled a couple times with red ink. It was a month and three days away. The day when he would lose her forever.

"Excuse me?"

Tadase looked up and saw his secretary standing above him. "Yes?" She was actually quite pretty, but she couldn't be compared to Amu. No, in his world, Amu was at the top. She was the prettiest girl, the best.

"I have the files you requested for." She put them down on his desk and studied his face for a moment. "Do you have problems? Relationship problems, definitely that." She gave an encouraging smile. "Don't worry boss, you can do it." She walked back outside, shutting the door gently behind her.

Tadase looked down at the files she had brought in. Was he really that easy to read?

* * *

><p>The days flew by rapidly. The circled date on his calendar was getting closer and closer. And he still hadn't given them an answer yet. He was still dwindling on it, should he go or should he not go? He could easily make up some excuse to skip out on it.<p>

Tadase stared at the date. There were only two weeks left to decide. Two weeks until his lonely fate was sealed. He found himself picking up his phone and then setting it back down. He was going to call and say that he couldn't go. But when he thought about her disappointed voice, he put down the phone immediately. He wondered what Kiseki would say. He could hear his voice already.

_Tadase, you are a king! You cannot be so indecisive!_

Tadase knew that Kiseki was right, that he had to hurry up and make up his mind. Just a simple yes or no. But those were the hardest words to say. How could those two words that he had known practically since birth be so hard to say?

* * *

><p>Tadase could not have imagined himself in this situation. He was sitting on a park bench next to Amu, who was obviously upset. Funny how things could change very quickly. Just a couple hours ago, he had been locked up in his office, doing work to keep his mind of things. And now, he was sitting outside getting some fresh air for the first time since about a month, ever since they had dropped the bomb about getting married.<p>

"I don't know what to do anymore!" Amu sniffled, wiping at her eyes, which were currently filled with tears. "It's in just two weeks… I don't even know if he wants to get married with me anymore…" Amu wiped at her eyes frantically.

"Why don't you just tell me what happened?" Tadase asked gently. On the inside, he was raging a war. One side of him was telling him to take advantage of her weak state and make her break up with Ikuto. The other side was telling him to comfort her and reassure her that Ikuto loved her no matter what. He didn't know which side to take. He wanted to take both sides, but was that even possible?

"W-well…" Amu looked down at her hands. "We've been trying to make this wedding perfect. So I just guessed he was stressed… and I made him breakfast. So when I offered it to him, he said he didn't want to get fat like me." Amu sniffled. "Am I fat?"

"No way." Tadase wasn't sure why she was overreacting. Ikuto joked around with her like this all the time. She had never gotten upset about it until now. _Is there something more to their relationship? A not-so-perfect side to it?_ All he could do at this point was hope.

"W-well… I never told him this but…" Amu sniffled and looked at Tadase nervously. "I'm pregnant. And what will he do when I get even fatter? Will he dump me? God, I feel so useless right now." Amu wiped at her eyes again. "Will he leave me for someone skinny?"

Tadase was frozen. Amu was pregnant with Ikuto's kid. He couldn't breathe. Even though it wasn't their wedding yet, he had still lost to Ikuto already. He had no hope. As long as they had a child, he wouldn't be able to be with her.

"Tadase? Are you okay?" Amu looked over at him with worry.

"Oh, yes, sorry." Tadase managed a small smile. "Well… I honestly don't know. Me and Ikuto ni-san are not as close as we once were. So I don't know him as well anymore." Amu's face fell and Tadase's heart clenched. If he wanted to ruin their relationship, this was the perfect opportunity. "But…" _But what?_ "I-" Tadase took a deep breath.

"Tadase?"

"I think Ikuto ni-san is a good person." Tadase gave her a tiny smile. "I don't think he would leave you just because you're pregnant. He would probably be… really happy." Tadase looked away. What had he just done?

Amu brightened up a bit. "You really think so?"

Tadase gave a small nod. He knew deep down that Ikuto cared a lot for Amu. He would protect her from anything bad. And he was always there for her. Ikuto really did care for her… He had just been denying it up until now.

"Amu!"

Tadase and Amu both turned to find Ikuto running up to them. His once cold and expressionless face was now filled with worry. His eyes no longer held that sad lonely look, but they were now filled with emotion. They were filled with love for his Amu. Tadase watched as Ikuto enveloped Amu into a huge hug, sitting on the side watching their PDA.

"Amu, I'm so sorry." Ikuto kissed her forehead and cheeks. "I swear I'll never call you fat again. I really love you… and I need you." He looked at her with pleading eyes, begging her to accept his apology. The Ikuto that Tadase previously knew would never have done that. He would have walked away. He hurt people he loved to keep them away from him. But now he was able to openly communicate with people.

Amu smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry too. I was overreacting. The truth is…" She looked over at Tadase for backup, who just nodded. "I'm pregnant with your child…" She looked at Ikuto, afraid of rejection.

Ikuto scooped her up into his arms and kissed her. "Amu, I'll stay with you no matter what. And I promise I won't leave…"

Tadase watched with sappy love story from the side. He wished to be the one by her side, holding her. But this was… for the better. That's why it ended up this way, right? He looked up to see that Ikuto and Amu were about to leave, so he stood up too. Ikuto looked over at him and smiled, mouthing a 'thank you'. Tadase nodded and hesitated. This time, he was sure his decision was right. "I'm coming to your wedding."

Amu smiled widely. "Really? Thank you so much!" She gave him a hug. "I'm so happy you can make it!"

"Yeah… me too." He pulled back and looked over at Ikuto. "Ikuto ni-san… make her happy." He smiled and turned around, walking away.

_I'll sacrifice my own happiness so that you can be happy…_

* * *

><p>Tadase stared up at the blue sky. It was funny how fast time passed. It was now the second of July. Their wedding. He hesitated at the entrance, wondering if he made the right decision or not. Was it too late to turn around and head back?<p>

"Tadase-chi!"

He turned around to find Yaya, now all grown up, running towards him. Her brown pigtails were still tied up into two red bows, and she had on a peach colored dress. She leaped into his arms, clinging onto him like a… baby. "Hello Yuiki-san."

"You're just like Kairi!" Yaya pouted, getting off of him. "Stop calling me Yuiki! It's Yaya!" She turned around and waved at a figure further away. "Hey Kairi, you're so slow." She turned around and grinned at Tadase. "I can't wait to go in and see Amu-chi!" She started bouncing up and down and shouting for Kairi to hurry up.

"Hello king." Kairi gave a small bow to Tadase.

Tadase gave him a small smile. "Sanjo-san." He looked at Yaya who was running around Kairi. "You two… are dating?"

"Eh?" Yaya stopped running as her cheeks tinted with pink. "Um, yes." She smiled shyly.

Tadase gave them a tiny smile. "I think I'll head in by myself now. It was nice to see you too again." He quietly walked up to the entrance and into the church. The inside was decorated with flowers, and it looked really… beautiful. He looked around and saw familiar people. Rima, Nagihiko, Kukai, and even Utau. He hadn't seen them in a while.

Rima had gone off to be the comedian she had always wanted to be, entertaining people. She wasn't quite famous, but she was content with what she did. Nagihiko had continued with his dancing, and he was now putting on shows with his mother. Tadase had heard from Amu a while back that the two of them had started dating. And by the looks of it, they still were. Kukai had gone after his love of sports and was now playing for a professional soccer team. Utau had continued singing and had gotten even more popular. And the two of them were dating too. And that left Tadase single and alone.

"Come on guys, it's starting!"

Tadase walked slowly while people rushed by him, claiming a good seat. _Goodbye…_

* * *

><p>"And the first dance goes to the newly wedded couple!"<p>

Tadase watched as people cheered on Amu and Ikuto, who stepped onto the dance floor. He sighed and watched them twirl around under the spotlight. He was currently sitting at a table shared with Rima, Nagihiko, Kukai, Utau, Yaya, Kairi, and the couple themselves at the after party. His eyes followed their every move, as did everyone else's.

"Okay, now let's get everyone on the dance floor!"

Everyone at the table, except for Tadase, stood up to go dance. Tadase sighed and kept his eyes glued to Amu. He couldn't look anywhere else. She looked great in a wedding dress… but he was probably not in the position to be saying that.

_Man up, Tadase! You are a king!_

Tadase tried to cheer up, but he just couldn't. He had always thought that he still had a chance, but now that chance was gone. There was nothing left. His eyes glanced around the dance floor, looking at all the other couples, before coming to a rest on Amu again. _I have to… let go._ He finally forced himself to tear his eyes away from her. The rest of the room besides the dance floor was empty.

"You don't have to let it hurt."

Tadase turned in surprise to find Rima sitting next to him, sipping from her cup of tea. "Rima-chan…"

"It's pretty obvious you still have feelings for her." Rima set down her cup gently and looked right into Tadase's eyes. "You can choose to accept it or not. You don't have to support their relationship… but you don't have to let it hurt yourself this much either. Coming here today… you didn't want to, did you."

Tadase averted his eyes. Rima's stare was too intense. But was he really that easy to read? "I wanted to…" He sighed. "I mean, I want her to be happy…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "It's fine."

Rima raised an eyebrow at him. "Sure, it's fine. But _you_ aren't." She stood up. "The more you think about it, the more it's going to hurt. You have to let it go. Let _her_ go." She turned around to face him. "Come on, you should dance. Get your mind off everything." Rima disappeared into the crowd of dancing bodies.

Tadase sat there, pondering Rima's words. She was right. He had to stop letting it hurt himself. He had to let her go.

* * *

><p>"Ahh! I got it!"<p>

There was a crowd of girls trying to catch the bouquet. Tadase watched them silently. Did a bouquet really mean you were going to get married? Or was everything already decided? He watched as the bouquet disappeared into the crowd and there were screams.

"Rima-chan caught it!"

Next to Tadase, Kukai punched Nagihiko's arm playfully. "You're the next one to get married man! Don't forget to invite me!" Kukai laughed as Nagihiko punched his arm back, and Tadase just smiled off to the side.

Even years later, they were still the same. And yet, everything had changed. Time had gone by so quickly without his realizing it. And now, he had to make a decision to move on with his life. He couldn't allow himself to hurt any longer.

"They're going now!"

Tadase watched as Amu and Ikuto climbed into their limo, waving out the window to everyone and taking off. Standing in the front with a crowd of waving people next to him, Tadase just watched as they drove away into the sunset.

He knew what he had to do now. He wanted the two people he cared for the most to be happy, even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness. He stared off after them and turned around slowly with the retreating crowd.

_I'll back off so you can live…_


End file.
